Chinese Visa = Pain In The Bum

I don't want to say anything that will prevent me getting in to China this July but Oh My God - what a palaver.

Yesterday I got to the embassy at 7.20am (not quite the 6.30am I planned). I queued for about two hours in the drizzle, with scores of others, all of us patiently shivering in neat lines down Portland Place. A young drunk, clearly just out of a club, livened up the wait by repeatedly asking various individuals where Madonna lived, 'um hellooooooo....does anyone know where Maaaaaadonna lives?...anyone?' This was amusing for at least two and a half minutes.

Ric came and took over after nine so I could peddle with frozen limbs off to work before the phones started ringing. I have Raynaud's phenomenon/disease/condition (whatever you want to call it it hurts!) and as always forget to layer up before my fingers and toes turned white and then splendid shades of blue and purple. I took pictures when I got to the office which I'm about to upload.

Anyway, Ric got his visa lodged but they told him I had to go back the next day with my British passport as I couldn't use my Australian one! How clever I thought I was using my Aussie one to get a slightly cheaper visa. Bugger.

So off I went today to blag my way to the front of the queue, telling the doorman with tears welling up in my eyes, that I came yesterday and foolishly forgot my passport so was promised I could queue jump to get my application in. He smiled, obliged and in I went. 'Great', I thought, 'I'll be out in no time'.

To cut this story short I lodged my application but not before I was first sent back upstairs, then downstairs and then told I had to go to the end of the line for cheekily suggesting they just wanted to make a few extra bucks off me. Then a woman who can't have been older than 23 proceeded to berate me in Chinese and pidgeon English for my ineptitude, rudeness, or something, in front of the entire hall.

So I got in line, wondering if this is how it'll be in China. Will we be made to feel like dimwits everywhere we go? At least they speak some English here! 'Never argue with them', said one experienced applicant holding wads of passports, 'this is Chinese territory here'.

Now I just have to go back next week to pick the damn thing up.