Happy 2009!

So here I am on the first day of 2009 sitting by myself in my flat in Sydney. It's about 34 degrees Celsius outside and the flies are hovering around the balcony, apparently waiting for a chance to get in. The $12 fan we both the other week in Bunnings works a treat - good thing as we've got no Air Con. I wake up feeling groggy a lot at the moment.

Shingles boy Ric is at Uluru on his camping tour. Says it's very hot, swarming with weird bugs and flies and that there aren't any other English people in the group, just lots of nit-picky Germans and Swiss.

I had a great time last night at Charlotte's flat over-looking the harbour bridge. It was a bit strange (although lovely) being there with Ric's family and not him. The fireworks were the best I'd ever seen and we could hear the crowds shouting the count down from the other side of the harbour. Unfortunately my blasted camera has managed to delete all the photos and video footage I took of the occasion. A guy in Dick Smith electricals has said they might be able to do something...

Naturally, as one does at this time of year I have been reflecting on the busy year just gone and the one that lies ahead. Yes I am struggling as ever and enter 2009, like every year before it, with an enormous sense of trepidation, anxiety, fatigue and some regrets but also hope for positive things. Ric will leave me in the end if I don't manage to sort myself out - that's one hell of an incentive but also a lot of pressure. Feeling incredibly confused about what I want, how to achieve it and where I want to be, physically and mentally.

We are due to leave Sydney on the 12th February but I don't feel ready to travel again (plan is to go to New Zealand for 8 weeks and then USA for 2) or return to cold credit-crunch London. Traveling does seem to fire up all my irrational thoughts and bad behaviours and Ric wont put up with it any more. I'm so desperate for things to work. I can do it!